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Farting and Relationships — The End is the Beginning?

Wow, Lovelies … How’s THAT for an opening title? 

And where the heck have I been all these months; right? Right! I was writing to a couple of friends today of how 2011 has stacked-up, thus far. I must say that, overall, it’s been incredible.

“Yeah, yeah … but get to the good stuff,” I hear you impatiently panting. HOW are farts and relationships connected? If any of you have been in a relationship (especially a long term one) you’ll know this one!

I was watching the delightful romantic comedy “Love And Other Disasters”, starring the beautiful late Brittany Murphy. When who appears as a therapist but none other than the absolutely fabulous Vicar, herself, Dawn French! I  Dawn French — not the least for her impeccable timing:

Therapist: Relationships are best measured by farting. 
Peter Simon: Excuse me?
Therapist: The stages of a relationship can be defined by farting. Stage one is the conspiracy of silence. This is a fantasy period where both parties pretend that they have no bodily waste. This illusion is very quickly shattered by that first shy, “Ooh, did you fart,” followed by the sheepish admission of truth. This heralds a period of deeper intimacy. A period I like to call the “Fart Honeymoon”, where both parties find each other’s gas just the cutest thing in the world. But, of course, no honeymoon can last forever. And so we reach the critical fork in the fart. Either the fart loses its power to amuse and embarrass thereby signifying true love, or else it begins to annoy and disgust, thereby symbolizing all that is blocked and rancid in the formerly beloved. Do you see what I’m getting at?

Farting and Relationships

“But why, Shawn, O Ye Goddess of Decorum, are you imparting farting dating data,” I can hear your puzzled, nonplussed pestering.

I’ll tell you why — “It” happened. That’s right, Lovelies, I farted in front of my beloved. Not only did I fart in front of him — I farted ON him … or his leg to be exact. And this wasn’t a tiny, titilating toot. Oh no … I farted with a force so strong that it sounded as if my arse was laughing — at me, I’m quite sure.

I lost it … completely. I could NOT quit laughing — part nerves, part embarrassment (an extreme rarity, as most of you know), part awe at the sheer volume of air I had inside of me.

When I tried moving to go to the loo and finish my Fart Freedom Movement, I found that I couldn’t move without hiccarting. (This is when your arse sounds as if it’s alternately burping and hiccuping.)

I simply gave up and into the gales of laughter and gas emanating from my body. Both the Rogue Pirate and I were fit to be tied … *oooh — tied … bright shiny — wait – focus* It was a craptacular moment! 

So now I wait … Will there be eternal farts and hearts or the slippery slide into Snarksville and the potential of sharts?  I don’t know. I can, however, report that life is smelling like roses at the moment – just like my farts.

Until next time … Keep smiling (and mind the peppers)!

Waiting to exhale … I remain yours,

Shawn 

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Spring has sprung … And I’m still a workin’ fool!

Hello, Glorious Beings!

I’ve heard from several folks that I haven’t been around much lately (an understatement, to be sure) …

Work is becoming more and more involved — and I’m thankful for it.  I truly am no good bored — and hope not to be boring. (Sometimes I’m boorish, but that’s an entirely different post! ;) )

The time away from here has caught me travelling to various cities for my clients … being in intensive training that can help me with my clients and colleagues (AND life in general) … getting ready for MANIC to be posted on healmyptsd.com in early April (as well as a bio on me and VAYA) … looking forward to more training and travel most of next month … and preparing for long overdue shoulder surgery this Friday.

Of course, everything in my life is “interesting” and usually quite fun.  There have been a few bumps along the way, but generally all is well on this end.

I’d love to hear from you and what’s up in your neck of the woods.

Yours in Service,

~*~scf~*~

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The Bed

I recently was asked, “If you had to choose to be an inanimate object what would it be?”  The Bed is my answer, and this is why …

When I was a child, my bed was my area of protection, of escape, of comfort.  My bed provided a safe haven for my sister when she would crawl into it with me, taking my arm and using it as her “blanket” to fall asleep on any given night she felt the need (or we weren’t sharing a bed).  Crawling between the crisp, yet still amazingly soft, sheets — laying my little body down, shielding around myself into a tight cocoon — I’d allow the mattress to take the weight of my body and then the world away from me to the Land of Nod.  Sometimes I wanted to dream; sometimes I did not.  Sometimes it didn’t matter what I wanted, and I’d wake-up in a twisted panic.  But the bed was there to envelop me with its clean, fresh smells … lulling me into rest once again.

As I grew I learned all the other beauties the bed possessed — falling into it feels like great big hug:  arms to hold you after the myriad of disappointments Life can and will send – solace; making love in it with someone all hours of the day and night – passion/intimacy; making life in it … and seeing that life come into this world – miracles; watching someone pass over after a long journey on this earth or even a long illness – affirmation/hope.

I realized I would want to be these things to those whom I hold dear — protective, ever-present, comforting, passionate, compassionate, and always hopeful — in their lives and in helping them achieve their dreams.

What inanimate object would you be … and why?

Yours in Service,

~*~SCF~*~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3d6_5n6u2e4&feature=related

*originally posted on Facebook


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MANIC …

You with the dark parts and the dark art
Whose dark heart once ripped apart
Gets smart and finally starts to grow
And the new flow where you roll shows soul
no control, and I know
Beyond your skin deep down below
There are shadowed places you don’t even go
Open wounds that won’t close
Upon the page within your prose
I want to know where it goes at night
When you’’re lying in bed under moonlight
Highlights trace the dark side of your face
As you wait to sleep and waste away in the keep
Of the demons that dance and shriek
You writhe and squirm like a freak you twist and turn
In the burn of a fire that swallows you whole
You fight for the light and dream of letting go
In a ballroom ballet you cling to your madness
Completed by the love you feel for your sadness
The way it hurts you now gives you pleasure
And the ugliest memories you have come to treasure
Weight and measure, unbalanced and broken
Haunted head you remain unspoken instead to wed
The pale lover you find
In the comfort and familiarity of your own kind
Blind, unrefined,
Subtlety murdered by a killer who leaves no clues behind
Though I think we both are very aware
Hesitant to give it life, so less we speak and more we stare
Now the years have been butterfly wings
In a fast forward life that continues to sting
Like a dragon sized bee impaled through the chest
At best without guess I can see you’re a mess but you’re blessed
with a gift yet you fear a resolve
You fear a closure
You long for the attention yet you dread the exposure
Get composure and get on your feet
Do battle with Hell and die before you retreat
For the death you will endure save the victory you celebrate
You skate, take shape, then escape from the hate you’’ve grown to love
You stand on the edge awaiting a shove
In your breathless fall as you plunge to the ground
Angels will catch you and softly … set you down.

~*~SCF~*~

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Being Willful versus Living “Will Fully”

Today I re-read an email I had sent to a friend, and a statement in it resonated within me, “… you know I will fully accept and respect …”.  I was struck by how two words that wholeheartedly embraced such positive actions could be so closely related to a word that most often holds such a negative reaction:

will·ful Adjective   /’wilfəl/

Synonyms:

1.                    (of an immoral or illegal act or omission) Intentional; deliberate

*                                             willful acts of damage

2.                    Having or showing a stubborn and determined intention to do as one wants, regardless of the consequences or effects

*                                             the pettish, willful side of him

And that thought led me back to my own quote, “Words have the power to put thoughts into actions. Choose yours carefully.”  I have been ‘preaching’ this for as long as I can remember.  (The practicing part’s coming along much better now than at any other time in my life I am happy to report.  ;) )

Why is our will so much more important than that of anyone else’s?  Must we win every argument with our significant other?  Cut-off that car in traffic – or “sneak” 30 items in a 15-item limit lane?  Tell our children “because I said so” simply because of our “birthright” as their parents?  And in this age of instantaneous everything, must we always have what we want when we want it – let the consequences be damned?

Where is compassion?  Where is taking a time-out of the good sort?  Where is helping-out someone without contemplating who is watching?  Where is puddle-jumping in your business clothes (with or without the kids)?  Where is gratitude for the ability to be grateful?  Where is hope?

I am thinking on these things in my own life.  I’d like to know how you are thinking about them in yours.  How are you willful?  And how are you living “will fully?”

Yours in Service,

~*~SCF~*~

LUNA Alessandro Safina

 

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Flying by the Seat of My Faith

Police Officer:   “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Me:      “Because you knew blue was my favorite color, and you wanted to brighten-up my day?”  Mona Lisa :) w/ a ;)

I am audacious and, at times, arrogant.  I am brilliant and brash.  I am confident yet clumsy (on multiple levels).  I am decadent yet discreet.  I have extremes, but no ego where they are concerned.  I am frightening and frightened (though I hide both “somewhat” well).  I am gifted and glib.  I am my own best friend and my own worst enemy – depending on the time of day or month.  I give myself encouraging pep talks that sound more like Gunny Sergeant Hartman performing morning inspection.  I am a constant, helpful source of faith and support to others, yet am always trying not to slide down that slippery slope of self-sabotage – again and again … and again.  (Oh the sweet sounds of the bitter refrain are always so much easier to sing than learning a new song – which requires time and effort … heavy work!)

When I was three-years-old I flew for a brief moment in time – literally suspended in the air to the amazement of all those surrounding me.  It wasn’t until very recently that I acknowledged that I have been trying to capture that complete sense of freedom again all of my life.

But I’ve come to realize that it’s always been with me – my free will.  My ability to choose which direction I take in any given circumstance is my freedom.  The way I choose to express my faith is my freedom.  The way I react to someone’s behavior is my freedom.  Every choice, every action, every reaction is a direct result of my faith, my belief – in myself, in the hope for and beauty of humanity, in those I hold dear (and even in those I do not) … in all that I do.

And that is unbelievably phenomenal …

~*~SCF~*~

All Rights Reserved by Alexollon-flickr

The Zephyr Song ~ Red Hot Chili Peppers

Given To Fly ~ Pearl Jam (Live)

P.S  My favorite color is purple.  ;)

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Hello … Is Anybody Out There?

I want to know who is trying to reach me … and what are they trying to let me know.  You see, sometimes Daisy, my telephone, “talks” to me.  She lights up as if I’m going to get a call, but none comes through.  Or the sounds of “Heaven” (my text tone) will gently pour forth from her, and no message ever is forthcoming.

Most of the time these “empty texts” come in the middle of the night, and I always awaken to answer them.  I never know if it’s going to be something important from either one of The Overlord Protectors or from one of The Junior Wingmen – all of whom have such diverse schedules (and are on opposite coasts).

Here lately I’ve had “blank” telephone calls, too – not just “Unknown” – actually calls with no identifier whatsoever.  I’m inquisitive; of course, I’m going to answer.

For those of you, Heavenly/Cosmic Voices of the Universe, trying to reach me … I’m here.  I’m doing well.  I appreciate your reaching-out and reminding me that I am not alone.

If you have a message for me could you leave it in my next fortune cookie?  Thanks!

~*~SCF~*~

Shine On You Crazy Diamond ~ Pink Floyd

Shine On You Crazy Diamond ~ by DaniGfx (at DeviantArt)

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10/11/10~National Coming Out Day

Dear Beautiful People ~

Today is National Coming Out Day. I was 10-years-old when I knew that I was bisexual. It’s the person to whom I’m attracted, not their gender. Hi, my name is Shawn. If you’re struggling with your sexual orientation … or are being bullied, harassed, or abused in any way — for any reason … I’m here to help. Acceptance & respect should be givens in our world. Understanding takes time and effort. EVERYONE is worth the effort in my book …

~*~NOH8 B4 IT’S 2 LATE~*~

Come Out, Come Out!

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Lyrical Lady, Candy So Sweet, and Strummin’ for Everyone!

Dear Beautiful People ~

I saw this awesome lady perform last night with The Grand Candy  at Bangkok Blues … Margot MacDonald  definitely deserves all accolades heaped upon her and continued success! Her “Creep” is eerily beautiful with just that hint of twitchy eye-avoidance. Listen to Margot today and discover why she’s the rising star of the entire Metropolitan area!

 http://www.myspace.com/margotmacdonald – (Includiing a live version of “Hallelujah”)

http://www.reverbnation.com/#/margotmacdonald

Let’s also give a shout-out to Dan Cohn at DC Guitar … her muscianship (as well as guitar) instructor, and co-Executive Director of The Grand Candy. His guitar classes put on two jammin’ sets last night before the band even hit the stage. Last night was a rockin’ homage to Hank Williams as well as a musical feast — with something for everyone … and everybody joining in!

My only complaint? I couldn’t stay to the bitter end, as early morning duty called. Next time they’ll have to kick me out … Kinda like ol’ Hank from some of those honky tonks in which he famously (or infamously) played! Thanks so much to Tom Teasley and Linda Teasley for joining me in this adventure. (I know that Dan was truly grateful for your presence!)  I hope more of you will check-out each of these artists soon! Until then, remember …

Bangkok Blues

“Music is the art of thinking with sounds.” ~ Jules Combarieu

~*~SCF~*~

“Hallelujah” (Live) ~ Margot MacDonald